Inspiring More Minds  

How I feel

by Bronwyn 6. July 2014 13:07

Being a sickler comes with a stigma. For some reason we are looked at as drug addicts and seekers. Well I am a drug seeker, when I am in pain, I want relief. Why is that odd? Have you ever had a migraine? While having that migraine, have you ever taken some medicine that made it go away? The next time you had that migraine did you want that medicine? If you knew taking 2 extra strength Tylenol would relieve the pain in 20 minutes, would you want those 2 pills? How would you feel if you couldn't buy that medication over the counter and had to go to the hospital to get it? But once you get to the hospital you are looked at as low priority. Then two hours later, when the doctor finally comes to see you and finally gives you your medication, instead of the two pills that you know will at least partially relieve the pounding in your head, the doctor decides to give you half of one. How well do you think that is going to work? Hey, it's better than nothing, but you're still in pain.

Do you get it?
Can you feel me?
Can you begin to understand?

A migraine may be about 1/10 of the intensity of the pain a sickler feels. That is why a grown woman or man will cry like a baby. That is why a grown person will need assistance to go to the bathroom. That is what we feel. That is what we keep feeling. 

We don't desire to be in the hospital. We don't want to have multiple doctor appointments and procedures every month, multiple times. We want to have a normal life. We wish we could swim in the ocean with a sole concern of being cold, or exercise to the point of exhaustion with just the worry of being tired, instead of worrying about getting too cold or too tired and having to spend the next week in the hospital.

So for all you nurses and doctors who think, 'ahh she/he is just overreacting, I can finish this paper work or do something else for 10 minutes, they won't die.' You are correct, we won't die right then (God willing) but every minute you wait to get me those IV fluids and pain meds is a minute my body is constricting in pain and depriving my organs of oxygen. So when my organs fail, and my bones have necrosis when I am in my 40's, thank you for taking your time, thank you for judging me, thank you for researching my disease and understanding what your lack of urgency will do to my lifespan.

 In other words, THANK YOU for KILLING ME! I forgive you.


This is a day, better than recent ones, worst than some.  

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Comments (3) -

Clifton
7/6/2014 11:50:49 PM #

Hope tomorrow is better.

Cyntra
7/7/2014 6:54:54 PM #

Feel better tomorrow.

Dominique
8/8/2014 10:22:12 PM #

Sickle cell is hard to deal with but keep believing that a cure is coming soon.  Never give up!

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